“Maybe I have to stop. To fallin’. To hoping. To trust someone.
So I won’t get hurt again.’
It’s hurt. More than I can imagine cause this foolness. It’s hurt like I never fall before. It’s hurt because I already fall by hopes and dreams… That love finally came to my life. That I feel loved. I feel someone who care and miss me.
And I did wrong. For many times. I did wrong. Like I do wrong for all the time.
I feel hurt. I got wound in my heart and my mind.
You killing me time by time. Every words you say was never right and honest. You never say the truth. You said that you won’t hurt me, but you already did. You said that you want to meet me, but you don’t. You said that you miss me, but you also said that you never think about me.
I felt so much in love, at that time when we were in my room, doing things we want–hugging, kissing…fucking. I felt so blessed because finally I get what I want–love and people who cares.
A man who always heard my stories as well. A man who knows what I feel, my wounds, my fucking stories about fucking man.
I told you everything–especially about man who hurts me. So you already knew “things make me hurts”. You know, right?
You knew all men who sucks. Who left me. Who fucked me and left me alone with wound in my heart. Who made me feels like a bad woman, a bitch…
You know what I want, and I tried too hard to fulfill what you need. And you said you feel satisfy so you wanna meet me again–and fuck. But you lied. You said “bye” easily and it hurts.
At that night when I said I drunk with my friend is true.
But you already wrong. You think that I slept with a man, huh? Why you think that? Are you jealous? Or you did that because you think that time is a time to you finally leave me, so you show me that responses–hates?
I want you, maybe not really but I want you. Because you made me feel this way. You broke a wall I made–to stay cool and calm and think that this kinda relationship is jus for fun, so as long as we feel satisfy, it will always good to us.
But I already fall…
With your words….
“I miss you.”
“Tbh I really miss you.”
“Can’t wait to see you again.”
I felt so much loved and I felt like “oh finally someone who want me is come”…. Oh, God, fool me!
Although I really don’t know the reasons why you did this to me… I will face it, dude. Thanks for making me feel this hurt and thanks for memories you gave to me–and I feel so much pain when I remember it.
Thank you for became friend I trust.
Thank you for your kisses, your hugs… even that things just for a while.
I’ll fix myself.